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DecodeI prayed for three days that someone would come and listen
But the only ones who had came were the ones who were there before
Calling, leading me away to the water.
I didn't want to be led away,
My mind equated it to be going astray
It was a volatile explosion that sweetly snaked through my mind--
My first, my last, my only.
But I cling too tightly to the image and horror of a single living thing
I shriek if they pull my hands away
A child who could never defend
Fighting and fighting until I sucked you dry
Your bloodstained heart and smile left sinking red into the sheets.
I was wrong.
We both have to move on--
--whether that means by poet and song,
Or by the shade that covers a sleeping figure,
Or red string slowly unraveling.
So now I close my eyes and let them lead me away,
It's the only chance I have left
I will clench my hands and jaw and move on to create for myself a new world,
Whatever it takes in the end--
And when we stand face to face,
There will be no more regrets.
The Shadow of DoubtI had never known what to call you
But Erase seems as good a name as any--
You have taken me away from my love,
And replaced him with the shadow that lingers still.
Thank God it wasn't New Year's Eve
When you gripped me tightly again;
There would have been no prayer for the once-called 'us'
If your smile had shown on that night.
I will keep up my reckless fight,
Though I know I will not make it out alive.
You hold time in an iron grip
And no amount of begging will release me from it.
My heart may stop,
My blood may flow,
But I will cling to my last hope in the shadow of doubt
Until the blackness closes over me for a final time.
So I shall whisper your name against the tears that are falling.
Iztrivam; you will never break me.
A Metal ManYou alone question your artistry
Like an author who rewrites his first chapter
Onto infinity, because
Of one single sentence
But I wonder why you question so hard
As one night, you captured the essence of metal
And poured it out onto unwilling hands,
That were only trying to give you a rest
And a break, and something to look forward to--
But they never knew
You know what it's like
To have your veins filled with lead,
And I will never know.
Are your emotions just for show?
Are the gears turning in your chest
Simply a sign you're not real? you can't feel?
But you still are an artist--
Though I said you 'could have been',
I know for certain now.
Your own project, until everything runs dry.
marrowfireyou are an unwelcome bruise on the top of my spine
flashing your teeth and nails and shrieking
banshee-like, to say the words that you’ve always said
eating my lungs from the inside
and whispering the aftershocks
you are the blue in my veins that i see
once i’ve ripped myself open again,
without caring how much blood is on my shirt
i do my own cleaning anyway,
it’s hard to see the pain when you keep it closed inside
you are the one that sits beside me,
squeezing my hand and telling me it’s going to be alright
but inside you suffer the same way
and there’s no reason for you to be like me
or to ever want to touch me
because of what i’ve done to you
and what i’ve put you through in the name of lust
you are the bones that cry for release.
the tears that capture a demon’s attention,
the slow lick of a black tongue.
you are the seizure of my soul
and what drives me mad is
you are the thing that keeps me going
and what i crave when i stay awake
A Doomed Timelinedearest
i will still wear what i thought would protect us
and all the memories will still eat me.
but i guess i was always
in the worst of moods,
never trying, never working
unless it was in sheer greed
i know you won't see this, can't see this
won't and can't find the faint words behind my sickly smile
and the things that i once did
but believe me:
i am on a ghost train to hell
and i'll cover up the emotional wounds with physical scars
so maybe someone will take pity
cause i guess that's all i ever wanted
was stories to tuck me in to sleep at night
and a love that would last eternity
but i got a soap opera of epic proportions
someday i might find the key again.
saravlathe pattern of lipstick on the can
mutes the rush of ecstasy when i see the beautiful scars
on others' faces
so i linger on the bubbles that pop between my teeth
and bend myself lyrically towards a fistful of silence
without need for apologies
we all have our moments
but the music that plays on reminds me
it's all just a game:
you are capable of stopping.
PerfectI will give myself one more chance.
Live on a diet of thoughts and reason
The door will open--
And someday they will see someone to respect,
No longer a girl with the weight of the world
Hanging from her waistline
But a wasteline
A waste of space
Unless I can pull back my flesh
And live in a castle of skulls and bones.
I may never attain the height of kings and queens,
But I can attain their aura
And their prestige.
Black and blue and bloody
But I will smile.
I will mean something once more.
But what is triumph?For even the dead are buried alone,
With naught but a sinister song to leave them off
Drifting along the sea with roses in their sinking ship.
What is eternity?
Eternity is we (not you and me)
Painting canvases of yellow and green
Faeries dancing across our brow--
A fire in the night with feet moving fast.
Courage is to stand up and fight.
If anyone would dare to cry out against the stain
Of a bestial man (not a father, never real)
We might be able to give ourselves a voice. And a choice.
But until that day comes--
We will (wait under the stairs with fright on our faces)
Veils and black roses.
Exnosuas DonaxAn etude for the killer rings.
We are born to be enslaved in chains,
Eyes gliding over with the frost of yesterdays,
And depression is our ultimate goal:
A downfall, a crowd gathered for the final chime.
We set the world at their feet
And were trampled underneath,
Our cries evaporating into the nether
Obsidian filling our tongues and throats
And we are nothing, meant to be captured
The next day thrown away
Minds broken by the words that echo forever,
We promise to keep our hearts broken
And sink into eclipse.
Who needs us now?
Who cries for us now?
Who would die for us now?
We are the dead. The killer hastens,
Putting his mark down.
One hundred years we cry blood and tears
We will never escape.
Tell my brother I said hello.
It's Okay to be ImperfectThe moon
Stand Against SuicideI know the pain is perhaps unbearable,
But darling, please put down the blade.
Release your emotions through tears and smiles,
Rather than dreading these days.
Do it for the little girl, whose mother can’t be there,
Or for the boy whose father drank too much.
For the boy who can’t sit in elementary school,
Because the bruises from Daddy hurt to touch.
For the teenage girl lying face down in her bed,
Thinking, why can’t it all be done?
For the elderly man looking up at the stars,
Counting the days one by one.
Do it for the children who wonder, does it end?
For the ones who feel left on their own.
For the ones who think, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard
If I didn’t feel so left alone.
And finally, do it for one other person,
The person in front of these words.
Because you’ll never know how it gets better
When focusing on pain and hurt.
Live one more day, dear, for them and for you,
And I swear to you, problems will fade.
I know, for right now, it’s p
I Thought I Needed FeminismI thought I needed feminism, when I was a little girl.
And I am very sad to admit, that this wasn't very long ago.
I thought when he held the door open for me, that he was making a big mistake.
That he was being a pompous ass, and he took my strength for a fake.
And when he offered to pay my tab, I still called him an ass.
Because I thought he assumed I was poor, and below middle class.
Or when his hard work earned him a promotion,
yet I did nothing, and the boss' ignorance to promote me, I believed was a sexist notion.
My friend really wanted feminism when she found her ex-dead drunk,
removed his clothes, and without his consent, had a pleasurable fuck.
When her parents bust into the room unexpected that night,
she said he raped her, and he was arrested without so much as a fight.
Perhaps feminism was there when I walked out into the street in pure nudity,
and shouted the my neighbors “You have no right to judge me!”
I didn't care about the children who were standing in th
MathematicsI am but the sum of my
F L A W S;
a network of
S C A R S
a disaster of
D R E A M S
a shield of
B O N E S
C A L C U L A T I O N
a void of
Unable to loveMy love was pure
I only wanted
But my heart
Because my love
Like a piece of garbage
And now I'm unable
Because the shreds
Of my shattered soul
DethronedI have created Eden, through the strokes of my pen,
But it was made of promises, and angels
That were too fragile to hold the weight of our sins.
You were my goddess, on a throne made of dreams.
Which you were probably
They didn't glimmer and shine
like the diamonds decorating your rings.
They were the hopes of a man
So madly in love, but you poured poison into his heart
And so he rotted, each time you gifted him with a kiss.
DifferentDifferent on the outside,
Different mask you see daily,
Different girl you call ‘Hailey’
To my surprise
Your ears are distracted,
So I tell lies, looking into your eyes,
“Yea I’m fine. Simply tired”
For that response my brain is wired.
Different mouth you hear speaking,
Different voice you hear screaming
Different eyes you see pleading,
Different person you’d befriended
I’m sorry this is how it’s ended.
In QuotationsYou are a precious stain
On the corners of my mind;
A bloody, tattered paper
Floating in the wind;
A crack in the window,
An angel on the staircase.
You haunt me in dreaming hours
When the night has long past birthed its day;
Your nails trace down my face
And leave pinpricks of embers.
You spot me shaking,
You try to hide a smile.
You're not a disaster,
But if you were it would be a tragedy
Worthy of Shakespeare;
Your lips haunt me
Like the concrete crevices that shifted to swallow me whole.
Your eyes aren't empty, nor is your soul.
But still you turn to face the moon set
While the sun rises ever high;
Are you aware of your wings
Will you try to fly--
Or am I too close to the edge
To let your words ignite?
Am I choking you
Or are you scared of yourself?
Come to terms with it--the darkness is here, shadows clear,
But you're a constant in the ocean tides.
You're fearing what's near, but they're just games in the end;
You can swallow your mind's lies.
I believe you; I will set forth no go
may as well buy another packcollapse, and breathe into the carpet:
sunday mornings are not
for falling apart, but damn
the amphorics, this
is not an atmosphere.
you fell in love like you always
wish you didn't, made all their
smiles replaceable, interchangeable,
fell asleep with shadows and kept
drinking, just letting yourself sleep
with blue pills
and tried not to scream.
(keep this image in your head:
fire and nectarines, a sudden jerk
of realization, inspiration
breaking your neck and leaving you forever
breaking bones is not so different
from breaking hearts - it's all about
the leverage, the angle, the mode
(and at least it wasn't personal;
it can color in your own guilt
for starting lines and never ending
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